*jess~bug* (acissej_07) wrote in fatherless,

is it ok to hate him?

hey im new here so ill just tell you about me..

my name is jessica and im 15..i was born in kentucky and my parents were married and i have one brother (jonathan) who is 13 months older than me..when i was born we all lived together as a happy family..and when i was about 18 months old..another lady came into my life..she was pregnant..with my dads child..so..my mom divorced him and he stayed kind of involved in my life for another year or so..and then me and mom and jonathan moved to georgia..where my mom is originally from..and is where we are still..

when i was 14 he sent me my first birthday card with $25 in it..he pays absolutley no child support..since then hes sent me a few cards..with a few dollars in them..its like he thinks money can buy him back..

i spent my whole life wondering why i was never good enough for him.
what i ever did to make him so unhappy..and it just finally hit me that its his fault ill never have anyone to walk me down the isle..its his fault that my friends dads always had to cheer for me at softball games and dance recitals..its his fault that he doesnt know me..not mine..

all i want out of life is a daddy...it hurts me so bad to go to my friends houses and see how much they love thier daddy..and think..i have no idea what that feels like...

my mom is soo good to us..she tries so hard and she just amazes me with her strength..but she isnt 100% capable of giving me what ive been missing out on my whole life..

i found a picture a few days ago of my dad holding me for the first time..the day i was born...and it was the first time i ever remember seeing him..15 years old when i found out what he looked like..

it breaks my heart.

i need him in my life..but now i hate him for what he has done to me..for the pain he has caused me and my family..:-/

i hate fathers day..

i hate it with a passion.



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